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Critics Forum/Against 'em; Abusing the Force

David Thornthwaite wonders how he ever watched Star Wars with a straight face

Critics forum/against ‘em

There’s nothing like a good film is there? Whether it’s an exciting trip to the cinema, replete with ritual blinding by flashlight wielding staff members selected for their illiteracy and innumeracy, a social event with a video, a few friends and a knackered SCART-lead or in a dark room by yourself with a 16kb download of Nurse Erica’s Day Off the motion picture is a constant source of entertainment. Perhaps the greatest source of pleasure, however, is questioning the inherent assumptions made by the filmmaker. Just what does “Rosebud” represent for CF Kane? Did Scarlet deserve that final rejection? Was that the boom or are they simply standing in a microphone shop? This week we look at some deconstructions of the Star Wars series of films…

Star Wars

After being picked up by some old guy in the desert who tells him he is different and special, not like other boys and who offers to take him to the stars Luke readily agrees; but then he was always a trusting boy…

The Empire Strikes Back

Yes children, learn from the muppet for he is wise, obey the muppet for he is right, love the muppet for he is your friend. Do not listen to your parents, they only want to cut your hands off. You will trust the muppets, you will trust the muppets…

Return of the Jedi

“Leia’s my sister!” “No Luke, what are the odds of that in a galaxy of 50,000,000,000,000 individuals? I was trying to hide her so I didn’t make her a politician did I? Twit.” “Well you didn’t hide me very well – ‘I know! I’ll put him with Anakin’s half brother on his old home world, Vader will never think of looking there.’” “Look no visions of future movies please.”

The Phantom Menace

On Galactic Breakfast News we investigate allegations surrounding Queen Amidala’s involvement in a child-abuse scandal and a spokesman from the Naboo defence force rejects claims that it’s star ships are easy to steal. Meanwhile on Good Morning with Jabba, Senator Palpatine reveals his exclusive moisturising tips: “I just wash and go evil!” he says.

Attack of the Clones

“Should I not have had that which I asked for which I should not have had?” “I know not Anakin what you should have asked not for, for I know not, nor should I know.” “Do or do not, there is no ask,” advises Master Yoda, narrowly avoiding a slap only with his mastery of the force.

David Thornthwaite

 

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